Live Again

Wanting to live again 

Remembering how to breathe

Fighting the temptation 

To believe all that they say

Reminding myself

Of the things once realized 

I had forgotten

Like what really matters to me

The path where I found my way

I took a different path

And it led me astray

But I won't let it get away 

I had a dream and a knowing 

And I can't just let it fade

There is a purpose for this passion 

And a reason why other things are trying to take me away

Maybe it's so powerful

That they know

And impactful

That they'd rather it not be that way

In that case

I have to make it stay

God, help me find my way 

Lead me

Let me live in faith 

Take the risk

Truly believe in my heart

Even if it's hard 

I want to make a way 

I need to make a way

There has to be a way

I will live again today 

Go Again

Coffee on my breath

Deep exhales from my chest

My dogs fur all over the floor

A laundry list of things to be done before 4

A business to get going

A body to get moving

A butt to get firmer 

A house to get cleaner

Rent to collect and pay

Excuses for the thing that don't get done today

Snap, crackle, pop

I hear my 8 yr old self say

Silly things that don't matter

Stop letting them get in the way

She says

You have the power 

To overcome that today

Thinking about the friends and memories 

I used to make my whole world 

My identity

I still do it sometimes 

Only now

With the love of my life

The man I get to call my

Lover and best friend

We have the greatest relationship I know

And I still do it to him

Wrapping myself up

Placing my identity in his hands

Asking from him something he can't give

And even if he did

It'd be unsustainable to go on 

I'm taking a 7 day vacay

And I wont see him for 10 days

I'm sure I'll learn a lot

Letting my mind run around a new place

We chose

For it to be this way

Growing together

Rather than meeting later

We wanted to be a platform 

A hand up for each other

I'm still learning how to give myself

As much love as I give my lover

As much of a struggle

As this is 

I don't believe it means we shouldn't be together

I've met couples that let things like growth

Force them to leave each other

So that can live indecently or think for thmselves

I don't think it's wrong

I just don't think it's us

Everything else

Is just something we get to overcome

We love to be with one another though the process

What is a relationship without tension?

Or more importantly-resolution  

I know one think for sure

It been the key to our success and passion 

I'm grateful to have a man

Who accepts me in progress

Cause maybe I'll always be in progress

I think that's a great state 

Working to always better myself

Thank God for him 

For loving me when I've run out of umph 

When I let myself get into s slump

For always lifting me up

Encouraging me to go again 

I love you, my love

With you I'll always go again 

What Matters

A good friend asked me something

It had me re evaluating my life

She asked me about death 

And how I'd rather go

Would I rather not know 

Or know it be six months from now

I don't think any way is right or better

But I do think it brings to light something 

Like knowing today could be my last 

Rather than pretending like it'll never end

You see

If you really think

We're lying to ourselves 

If we believe

The deceit 

That this life is unbreakable 

To get into the routine 

Of this thing

We call "everyday"

Or to get too busy that friends and family

Start to get in the way

We all know what matters

But we put it off til later

So we can pursue what we want now 

But now soon becomes later

And later will always become now

So it's time to stop fooling 

There is no second time around 

Put off what we want 

And let matters that matter become our now

I'd rather live for what matters 

Than live for what I want

Instead of living for what I want

And realizing later what matters

So don't ask yourself what you want

Ask yourself what matters 

Before the Boomerang

With so much change going on

It's hard to sit to reflect 

Every moment of recollection 

Is a never ending recollect 

Like rolling downhill at an upward speed

And at the same time 

Trying to pull aside  

To see how far you've come 

Impossible to do both at the same time 

Or maybe you can

And this is me trying to try 

Ask yourself this 

Can you ride the ride

And remember it at the same time?

Let yourself fall

And go backwards in the midst of it all?

I see the way things tend to add up 

Like I finally get math 

After years of doing enough to brush 

By 

Seems like the thing I avoid  

And carelessly go through the first time

Take a liking to me 

Finding their way back another time 

Like how the equations in math 

Have a formula to memorize 

I try to do it my way 

Until I realize

The formula has its way 

No matter how I hypothesize 

It goes like this in my life 

Cut the ties 

Discover what's right 

For you

What makes you come alive 

Yet the formula always brings me back

Points out the way 

You need to fall to get back 

Up

Ride the ride

To view it from the other side 

I have to learn to prioritize 

Dad's not pulling off my sheets anymore 

Telling me to rise and shine

Only accountable to myself

Only I'm responsible for my financial health

I'm working with a limited amount 

Although I feel rich with myself

My clothes stay on me longer

As I have less fun money for fashion

More responsibilities 

Like food 

And those types of rations 

Sometimes I feel angry and bitter 

Full of entitlement tears and lack

Other times I'm on top of the aspens 

Smelling a scent I never noticed before 

Released of worries and cares 

I go back and forth 

Teetering between 

Angry adult and blissful child 

Oh how I wish I could be like a child

More than once in a while 

 

Distance Pain

Only 3 more nights 

I spoke into the phone 

Convincing him he'll last

And trying not to sound so alone 

Silly how a distance 

Can cause mental strain 

Such human things 

Surviving in pain 

Funny how a feeling 

Might drive you to become insane

Attract you to a human 

Trying to master that same game 

I knew meeting you would whirl me

Into an amusement park of emotion 

Loving you 

Is like 

Riding the tallest wave 

In the ocean 

Endlessly drawn back to you 

You must get it too 

I can sense it in the way 

You choose 

Words and actions 

Always wanting to show you care 

Catching me off guard 

Like when you toss a ball

And the other person is stuck in awe

I watch it drift towards me and fall

You could be in Rome 

For all I know

I selfishly want you back 

Without my best friend 

I feel in lack 

I don't have an extra hand 

To wipe my newfound river 

Of tears 

You've unblocked the dam 

Holding back my fears 

I can't figure out 

How to put them back 

I don't have your arm 

To sling around my shoulder

Reminding me your here 

Reminding me when you're away

Currently unavailable 

To conveniently grab when I lay 

I am missing the match 

Even the small spark you bring 

To my kindle 

Igniting my soul again 

No longer can I pretend 

There's no meaning for the word 

Best friend 

Soul mates 

Lovers 

Partner 

Best friends 

Whatever we feel like calling it 

Is just a label for the perfection 

In each of those moments 

I wish I could deny 

That your not here 

By my side 

It feels like you've disappeared 

But you're only Michigan 

I'm only here  

I treasure the moments 

Every single one 

When you're near 

Perfectly Aligned

As the times comes 

And goes

I will never forget the way 

You hold me close

When the time stops 

Allows us to pause for a second

I will soak up your eyes 

Recall every moment 

When you've brushed my tears

Called me beautiful 

Accepted my sadness

Appreciated my mind 

When you've respected my freedom 

Pushed me out of my comfort line 

I can't help but fantasize 

Dream about what our future would be like 

All we could do 

All we will do 

Hand in hand 

Heart in heart 

Soul in soul 

I feel it all 

Over the phone 

3000 miles away 

Your joy and pain 

Our connection is one I know many desire 

We can be children again 

Loving again 

Over committed 

To this never ending fire 

You may not be with me 

Everywhere I go 

But just know 

Wherever it is that I am 

In my heart

You will always go 

I don't need a text or reply 

I trust every bit of you 

I know you trust every piece of me 

On any end of the line 

I adore the way 

You let me inside 

I love you all the more 

Every time you put me aside 

To live your life 

I love who you are 

When I get to steal your eyes 

I love you the same 

Alone 

Looking up at the sky 

Especially at night 

Sinking into the reflection of the moon

Becoming even more reminded of you

Just as fine as if you were there

I realize my love is just as strong here as it is anywhere 

Loving you is so easy 

I know it is nothing but right

Like finding the best friend 

Who always points you back to the light 

Never running out of things to appreciate 

You're never too early 

Never too late

Impossible to imagine you coming into my life

At any other time 

The more I am with you 

I continue to find 

A mind, soul and heart with mine 

Perfectly aligned 

Heart Lost in it All

Crumpled up paper

Tossed to the basket

Thoughts overwhelm 

Excited and impatient 

I can't mask it

Goals, hopes, dreams, pursuits 

Big words and visions 

All I have to do is follow through

Will I make it? 

Can desire become real?

I have to make it happen

Eat better than those college meals

While they're away from home 

The real world on pause 

I'm figuring out taxes, income and business laws

They'll see

This college dropout 

Is nothing but a socially constructed phrase

Said enough times 

Make us feel like losers

I wonder who's really in the haze

Expectations

Speculations

Motivations

Absurd words

Directing our lives

Definitions abused

Meanings overused 

Heart lost in it all