This Love

I hate that I miss you when you're away

So I channel my feelings into an organized disarray 

I can feel each part of myself

Spirit, soul and body 

Interconnected and working together 

Moving forward at the same pace 

My lips and body tremble 

Each part of me melts 

More fluttery than butterflies 

More of a crush than any high school crushes I've felt 

Destined to be here 

I peek back at where I've been 

All that has brought me here 

Recognizing the levels of true purpose

Each momentous and life changing event 

Rolling like it's boiling to the surface 

Fighting back my fears 

Feels more like letting go 

When you're holding me near 

Learning to more clearly articulate my thoughts 

Accepting the challenge to rise to the occasion 

Overcome the hurdles and blocks 

Overwhelmed with appreciation 

Gratefulness abounds 

The more that I receive 

The more I desire to pass it around 

It seeps, pours and spews out of me 

Working overtime to pitch in helping 

It comes out in tears of joy 

Shines bright in what we can't understand but still perceive 

I feel more selfless than ever before 

It is here I am truly free 

Free to believe what I believe 

Say it out loud all my crazy 

Sharing myself with you brings security 

I am enabled to let the good and bad 

Come to me so I can let them pass

The more I learn to become less about me 

I am let loose of any insecurities 

Effortlessly tossing love without expecting 

So much about you I cannot comprehend 

So I choose to accept 

When I leave your presence 

I feel like I've become connected with more depth 

I praise my God because without him you wouldn't be real

I know that without him we wouldn't be able to walk 

The way that this love feels 

Penny Team

I hear them say slow down, take your time

I know I can't blame them

But my past is what's behind

This is different

I can feel it surge through my spine

I feel the peace and comfort of you

Even while writing this line

The red flags I'm used to passing

Are everything you're lacking

The fences I should be keeping up

Seem limitless with you

I'm free to open up

Each moment with you seems hard to comprehend

Questioning reality

There really is someone who understands

I've spent my life tossing pennies

Unsure of a result but still wishing 

For a partner to create a team 

Enough times to reach tipping point

See you physically in front of me

I know now what I believe 

So with your penny thoughts

Toss more than plenty 

No words to explain you 

No story to share what I know and believe 

I'm comfortable with that

Nothing proves itself more than timing

I used to feel like a stopwatch

Waiting for the false connection to appear

And although it's only been a few weeks

My confidence in the future has never felt so clear

I can see it play out how it should be

Won't consider any other options

And for me, that's a big thing 

I fall asleep craving to have you on my mind

So you're with me at night

Accompanying me in my dreams

It makes up for the time

I'm not with you and hoping to be

I am taken to the higher heights

Replacing hopes and distorted lies

Making visions into real life

Learning how to let go and untie 

All the social norms and lines

Breakdown and disassemble

In front of our eyes

I see us as a team

Even in my dreams

And even more right now

We're together, conquering

Behind Enemy Lines

Finding myself lost outside of time

Completely at peace in my mind

Elevated to a higher state

Consciousness not limited in any type of space 

A simple phrase like too much on my plate

Trained to limit our minds and capabilities at face

Enlightenment calling me to a place

Not anywhere close to faraway

Within grasp

At my decisions stake 

Association leading me

Resuscitation or depreciation

Only dependent on one thing

Of which I have total control

My state of mind

Determines how I live

How I think within my time

Will I allow it to grow weeds in ignorance

Or will I plant what I want myself to reap

We're so distracted by fear and material things

Caught up in the stimulation

We might as will be called the stimulation generation

We are in constant need of the next high

Keep us away from exploring our own minds

Sinking into a comfortable state at all times

Being forced to grow

Hell no! 

We'll do anything to avoid the lows 

We find ourselves lost in the lies and the fear

Believing what we hear

Allowing constant pleasure to make things clear 

This lack of self-control

Is actually controlling our souls

We've let go of our power

Watched it grow rotten and sour

Relinquished what little strength we have

For the next T-shirt, the next car, TV show, or dab

So routine we don't realize we don't think

Robotic enough to check for an oil leak

Our fight for power against others is temporarily distracting

Behind our roles we don't realize we're  acting

So much so that were missing the realist truth

We're training up systematic and mind numb youth

For Your Eyes Only

Heart racing at a competitive pace

Mind and body elevated to a hidden escape 

At this rate 

We'll be the discoverers of a secret place

My soul's state

Is lifted like it's on elevate

With you the distractions disappear

Unsure of my reality

At the thought of you being near

Trying to release with my words emotions suppressed 

Creeping out of my veins

Unable to be unexpressed

A crazy thought to think

Whats desired 

Might have transpired 

Just within arms reach 

So intense it feels unreal

Making sense of what my emotions feel

I want limitations to be set free

There's just one thing that's stopping me 

If fear is just a state of mind

How can I overcome myself and let you inside

When I care for you I know I'll care too much

What I fear the most

Can what I feel right now last long enough

I want to know that this won't pass 

I hurt the most from those I hurt in the past  

Balancing the yin and yang of both sides of me 

In your eyes 

I don't feel the same boundaries 

A new experience I can't find words to explain

It's like we intuitively know how to play the same game

Except this game has no rules besides the ones we make up

Like a child again wondering what it's like to be grown-up

No past pains even get in the way

Lost in the same melody as we sway

I know we have the same song stuck in our heads

Except it's our actions lip-synching instead

We're two hands composing this piece

Every cell in my being

Is caught by you when it's released

So at peace

Time has ceased

Enjoying the depths of it's sea

We're hitchhiking soundwaves

Landing on our feet

Like cats in galaxies

When the music starts

We're envisioning the same piece of art

Creating foreign goods

Not to be shipped or torn apart

Two hearts

Can inexplicably come together

Like the mixing of sweet and tart

Two sets of eyes

Can have contact unbroken

When the unspoken is understood inside

Two mouths

Can hum the same tune

When they come out of the same cave under the moon 

Two sets of ears

Can hear the truth in the silence

When they've quieted their pride giants 

Two minds 

Can collide 

When the same desire and thought reside 

Stamps of Approval

How am I feeling about myself

Does it even matter

My health 

My spiritual wealth

Drained to the bottom

Something that seems forgotten

Spilling out my emotions here

Sure that I can't voice them

It doesn't matter where I want to go

When I'm not okay with where I am

Happiness is based on happening

Those I cannot control

Contentment and peace

The deepest longing

So please, let everything else be released

Wanting to throw away my phone

Held back

When I'm on it I don't feel so alone

I'd rather be by myself

Than with anyone else

In my heart I feel so alone

When did I pay in for the lies

Dropping bits all over 

Like a trick trail in my mind

I need to get off this path

Making me blind

Trapping me inside

Recognition and attention are the cries

Revealing dissatisfaction and insecurities

Masked with stamps of approval 

From individuals lives

At first so appealing

Attracting you in

Once reeled to the surface 

After you bite the bait

You meet the face

Behind your fate

Left with a decision

Do I fight

Or do I let go and give in

One leads to another chance

The other puts you back

Into another person's hands 

Uproot

Becoming like a child

Seems impossible when all I want is to be an adult

I have to let go of the roots of the world

Spread my veins the in the realm of eternity

Sometimes is a good time to uproot

Tied down like a complicated loop

Neglecting my hearts desire

Hoarding wood far away from the fire

Sparks flying

Crying

Wanting more from me

Still stuck in the woods

Rejecting the fire 

Everything is Meaningless

I am loved by the one who knows my true identity 

I am known by the Father above who reached out to create me

Who I am cannot be compromised

Determined by anyone else

Not even myself 

His truth I am hidden in

But I get lost in my ways

Tricked by the temporary

So deep at times 

Feels impossible to retract from

Losing sight of who I am 

Focusing on what I've done 

What I plan to do

All a mist to chase after

A vapor once you get there

Empty promises my mind trusts

Meaningful

But really deceiving full

Catching the train to the end of the rainbow

It only shines in the right light of the sky

A portion of the angle

Promising words spoken

Later forgotten

Finding myself lost in myself

Much more often

Gifts and talents accidentally shoveled over

Like a body in a coffin

Life's lost in the forgotten

Shape shifting like a rubiks

Value lying lifeless

Pondering the emptiness

Left my irreplaceable possessions 

In the coffin

I hear the teacher say

Meaningless

Meaningless

Everything is Meaningless

Lost in the Present

Seeking to understand what can't be understood

Looking behind and ahead 

Everywhere but beneath my own roof

I reach into my past and pluck out my failures

I envision my future

Picturing all my dreams and goals underachieved

I come back to the present and breathe hopelessness 

Into my life

I teeter between driven and lost and feel like a mess

Creating my own comfortable bubble of success

Addicted to the thrill of launching a new idea

Tending to get overwhelmed

Drained at the thought of persistence

Commitment

The same thing that 

Brought me to life

Now drowning me

In insecurity

I choose to trust in my guide

Who knows much better than I

Picture all my worries as bricks

Pass them over to him

In exchange for a load never to heavy to lift

Carry peace instead 

Trust in his guidance 

Allow him to be the head

Of all my dreams and goals and failures

Now I may truly rest in bed 

Crossroads

I haven't written in a long time

Which is crazy

A lot more than usual on my mind

Been through a relationship and a breakup

Just a couple short months 

Not sure how to go through a make up

My priorities have been through the ringer

Kicked carelessly like a smashed can

Set aside far enough to leave a bruised man

My thoughts not going through 

I think I caught my hand

Reaching into the vending machine of life

Picked the button labeled "Don't think twice"

If time was currency I've invested what I had into 

Something I wished but knew wouldn't last

I can't go back

Have to push forward for the prize

Unearned but received 

Mercifully, in the next life

Cause I believed the lies

Left my soul deprived

Traded trust and belief 

For my own selfish mind

Who am I left to wonder

Thinking I know what's best for myself

I've been picked from death

Chosen by grace

Forgot what was done

Lost sight of his face

Now I'm back 

His arms wide open

Turned away

Not leaving time for sulking

Taking on the challenge

Though the roads much smaller

Been swaying side to side

Now I'm ready to be sober

Be careful when you're strong

At your highest it's easier to fall

Changing up the flow

Surrounding myself with people who I know

To encourage, challenge and strengthen

From a place and perspective not normally taken

Letting go of the fears of what anyone will think

Not giving control to mentalities not shaped by the ink

I'm a little beaten but ready for the real path

Grateful to be here and hopeful for what lasts